I have been an image trainer for many years, sharing with others how to create positive first impressions. But as time passed, I felt that I was just touching the surface: I wanted to help them become more confident about themselves. It was not just about looking good and feeling good on the outside, but to get deeper into themselves and find what was driving them.
After having found myself in a place where I was not satisfied with the direction my own life was heading, I decided to make changes. It started with a lot of self-awareness, then dropping the masks that I wore, making myself more vulnerable and exposed. That initially frightened me as I knew it would take time and effort from myself, and that the wounds from the past would have to be healed first.
I hope that in sharing my story, you may find something familiar and perhaps be able to take that first same step I took towards finding inner peace and happiness. Knowing that I am more real now makes me able to truly accept myself for who I am, rather than what I am not and I am much happier. My life’s focus has changed. First Impressions are still very important, but one needs to project more than just a professional or confident image, as this outer beauty does not last. What really makes an everlasting impression is the beauty that shines from within.
“A daring reflection of regressed past traumas and experiences is definitely a courage act”.
Dr. Carol Balhetchet
Clinical Psychologist, Certified Hypnotist
Singapore Children’s Society
Influencing From The Inside Out:
9 Surefire Tactics To Persuade And Convince People At Work And In Your Personal Life.
By Dr Granville Ed D’Souza
Have you ever wondered who you are in the eyes of others? Some of us at best live life by getting the necessities done and don’t look back or towards the future to make adjustments for a more meaningful life. Many tend to be totally asleep even though they are awake. That simply means, some people walk into life with no inkling about how they come across, what they say to others and whether they could be even more effective in their decision making and daily actions. On the flipside, there exists amongst us, those who reflect and consciously make attempts to be better everyday, examining their life and planting seeds for future possibilities. Being conscious and intentional are great beginnings for leading a much more effective life. You begin to reason and understand the undercurrents of your thoughts and actions and act intentionally.
What you can never have enough information about is how others think and behave, what their intentions are and how they decide and form conclusions. You can’t be in control of them but you sure can be equipped to deal better with them if you hold the key to unlocking some truths about the people in your life. So, what am I talking about?
Enneagram and 9 Types of People
How many times have you sought feedback about yourself only to give up because you received the brutal truth and it was too much for you to take? Well, I have even paid to get feedback about myself and I haven’t stopped being a masochist in this respect because it teaches me to be a better person. When I learnt about the Enneagram about 12 years back, I got intrigued by the idea of understanding the psyche of others and especially my own. I understood this as a robust system, like a predictability machine going on in this complex field of human behaviour. It taught me about how I could in a way put human beings in a box from which I could understand them better. Contrary to what you hear that we should not put others in a box (in other words stereotype), I strongly believe that we are already in a box. We might as well choose to understand each package a lot better. It’s much better than not being able to unwrap it at all and live in the intrigue and mystery that human beings are totally random in their responses. The Enneagram is a system of understanding 9 distinct personalities in ways which are deeper than any system I have come across.
How It Works
Each of these personalities have distinct values, urges, fears, motivations, risk appetite, manner of socialization, information processing and decision making criteria, healthy and unhealthy behaviours amongst many other distinct qualities and traits. Some of us are operating on the more resourceful side of our personality and some of us need help getting there. What if you knew all about this pertaining to yourself and others? What if you knew which buttons to press to bring out the best in others especially if you knew you had to influence or convince them? What if you understood why they just need to be the way they are which is actually so different from yourself? What if you understood why people don’t share your opinions and beliefs and all because they are innately engineered to think and decide quite differently?
Why You Should Read This Book
Imagine a world if we understood why people are so different. This book on influencing will shed light on all the people in your life… their quirks, deepest darkest thoughts, what makes them tick and how to press the right buttons. The information contained in this book is a valuable start to understanding human beings at a level and depth you could not imagine. I can boldly say this because only after understanding the Enneagram did I look through very different lenses about people. It is written for the corporate person and layperson alike. It is meant to help anyone chart who they are (their type), understand how and why they could be living on the unhealthy side of their lives (if it is happening) including the people they know and what is the key that can unlock this path to disenchantment. The system dates back to the early 19th century, hence the theory and underpinnings have been well researched among scholars and practitioners. I have specifically chosen to leave out much of the theory and focus on the practical aspects and how the lessons relate to you in many contexts like Communication, conflict, working in a team, beliefs, understanding your path to freedom, accessing your best gifts, etc.
By Dr Granville Ed D’Souza
In the course of my work, I meet leaders ranging from student leaders, those heading small medium enterprises, large corporations and small start-ups. While each of them requires varying levels of competencies and have years of experience behind them, you can easily tell from the first few minutes with them, how their projections, thinking, temperament and how they make you feel rubs off on their staff in their organization. Unless they are wrapping themselves into two separate characters, the little time I have with them has provided me with a lot of “ammunition” as to how effective leaders lead and get the desired results.
What would General Electric have achieved without Jack Welch? Would Apple have triumphed without Steve Jobs? How strong would Microsoft have been without Bill Gates? These corporate legends prove the magnitude of a great leader’s impact. According to research with HR professionals, the biggest issue confronting today’s companies is a notable lack of leaders, a vexatious dilemma in a recessionary period.
It does not matter if this leader is the son of a cabinet Minister heading a large corporation or from a Fortune 100 company. There are certain leaders who stand apart from others just by the way they make you feel. The rank and position in the company are secondary to the bigger picture of creating a culture of trust, happiness and teamwork while keeping doggedly focused on the outcome of profitability . They not only provide the beacon that steers the organization forward but they enmesh themselves into a culture which they hold much responsibility in creating. This requires a lot from leaders. You not only steer the ship but you ensure that your crew is passionate about what they do with a continuous drive towards fulfilling the mission of the company and being in live with the vision.
Every leader should ask themselves if they have a sense of whether their employees look forward to seeing them in the morning. Are your staff making a u-turns upon having eye-contact with you? Are they forcing a smile and a greeting? Or are they genuinely happy to see you and hope you will just stop and ask them about how they are doing? Do they ask you about you? Do you have an interest in their lives? Or are they intimidated, engaging you with a monosyllabic “Hello” or worse still just a smirk or a grin and a hurried walk away.
If I can quote my wonderful friend Marilynn Jorgensen, she says “Leaders have to realize that they, just like everybody else are a son/daughter, father/ mother, brother/sister, grandfather/grandmother to someone” and so they are no different from any one out there. They are no different from you or me. At work, they play the most important role hence require advanced skills and competencies to nurture, teach, motivate and inspire performance. We all have somewhat similar feelings, thoughts, concerns, emotional ups and downs, bad days and good days. So, what am I getting at? Your behaviors, actions and energy as a leader can be a source of inspiration and emotional resonance or a pathway to leaving people stressed, disenchanted, and fearful. What sort of employees would you like to encounter in the morning? I strongly believe that just like fish, they rot from the head. If the leader is toxic The culture of the organization is a huge reflection of how the CEO behaves.
Leaders, by virtue of where they are at, have risen up the ranks to steer the ship and they have a choice as to how they want the ship to sail. It can be a treacherous journey or a memorable voyage with the right captain. I felt I needed to write a leadership version of my first book EQ From The Inside Out which was meant for the general audience. Leaders could use the same set of skills to be even more effective at getting results by being influential, clear minded, insightful and passionate about making a difference to their charges. This book will feature 8 key EQ competencies that are critical to authentic leadership. It will guide leaders to be more effective and congruent in their decision making through scientific research, metaphors and exercises for reflection in each chapter.
By Dr Granville Ed D’Souza
I started writing this book about 7 months ago after reading an article in the newspapers about the tenacious spirit of terminally ill people who rise above their challenges and shockingly overshadow their peers and become top performers in their field. This can range from sales to sports to Arts and business. Around the same time, I caught a story in Tony Robbins book, Notes From A Friend, which spoke about a man in Krakow who escaped the most evil concentration camp during World War 2 because he believed, against all odds, that he could. Even closer to home, what allows a millionaire turned bankrupt make a turnaround to be a millionaire once again? What stimulates a person to chase a dream for 10 years even though s/he can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel at the start? What makes a young abandoned orphan dream again and achieve what he set out to do and become?
We witness numerous reminders everyday like “if life throws you a lemon, make lemon squash”. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. But when circumstances hit you and you are at the mercy of what life throws at you, for e.g. the untimely loss of someone dear to you (a child, a parent or a spouse) or a life threatening issue like those relating to your health and you know you can’t have it back again, where do you draw the strength to not only hold on but fight back? History can remind us of tremendous Minds of Steel who have fought the battle mentally and emotionally, demonstrating unfathomable mental and physical strength that confounds any sceptic about the human spirit. There still remains a huge conundrum among those who struggle with day to day trials and tribulations and then stumble upon those who traversed a similar path and pushed their way triumphantly to the end. This book is meant to demystify the true grit and strength of the human spirit.
Have you ever noticed a toddler in the beginning stages of learning to walk? Amazing isn’t it? Without any prompting, the child fall and gets up, then falls and gets up again with it’s supple limbs strengthening with every fall and movement. And while this is happening, the mind and body is adapting to the pain of minor obstacles and yet pushing the toddler to keep trying because it registers incremental improvements. It makes the task easier and easier as the little one pushes on. By then, the toddler would have quite subconsciously registered that life has many more of these occasions s/he has to contend with like climbing up and down from a sofa, learning to ask for help, learning to cope with discomfort, etc.
These skills become a natural ability with practice like everything else in life. And then as the years pass, challenges can either been seen as an insurmountable obstacle or a scalable wall with the right attitude and mindset. This book seeks to help the reader understand some of our untapped latent gifts and how to make them work when we need them most.
What This Book Is About
- Chapter 1: The battle between head and heart: An overview of optimism and resilience.
- Chapter 2: Life Lessons from Mahatma Gandhi, pre-eminent leader of Indian Nationalism.
- Chapter 3: Life Lessons from Bill Gates, Chairman Microsoft Corporation.
- Chapter 4: Life Lessons from Mother Teresa, the Saint from Calcutta.
- Chapter 5: Life Lessons from Nelson Mandela, freedom fighter and ex-President of South Africa.
- Chapter 6: Life Lessons from Nick Vujicic.
- Chapter 7: Life Lessons from Thomas Edison, inventor.
- Chapter 8: Life Lessons from Dr Viktor Frankl, psychologist and prisoner during World War II.
- Chapter 9: Life Lessons from Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.
- Chapter 10: Life Lessons from Albert Einstein, genius and maths whizz.
- Chapter 11: Life Lessons from Maya Angelou, American author and poet.
- Chapter 12: Life Lessons from Sir Ernest Shackleton, legendary Antarctic explorer.
- Chapter 13: Life Lessons from Abraham Lincoln, the 16th US President.
- Chapter 14: Life Lessons from Helen Keller, America’s deaf-blind author, political activist.
- Chapter 15: Life Lessons from Aung San Suu Kyi, freedom fighter and Burmese opposition politician.
Email for orders or for more information.
By Dr Granville Ed D’Souza
This book will give you practical tools to create the life you have always wanted. Where many books ‘tell’ about emotional intelligence, finally there is a book that shows you how. With practical, proven strategies, EQ From The Inside Out is a powerful ally on your quest to become the best version of yourself.
- Are you holding yourself back from achieving your dreams?
- What are your greatest strengths, and how can you use those better?
- Can you imagine harnessing your own emotions as a source of wisdom and energy?
“Over the last decade I’ve worked with thousands of individuals and leaders, and over and over, I see people selling themselves short. They notice their own challenges, and put band-aids to cover their difficulties… but they don’t change. But with a little help, they learn tools to unlock their own power – to transform limiting beliefs from the inside – to align their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Now you can too.”
By Dr Granville Ed D’Souza
Who Should Read This Book?
This book was written to facilitate and integrate Emotional Intelligence practices into one’s daily life. A beginner who reads about EQ will be impressed with the vast amount of information available about our mind and body connection, how thinking influences feelings, how chemicals in the body can cause us to do stupid things and what makes someone magnetic. A practitioner’s guide to understanding and implementing daily EQ practices in your life immediately and easily.
“Granville is an EQ leader and an inspiration. His work in the continuing of the development of EQ materials and research is awesome! Highly recommended reading.”
Emotional Intelligence pioneer & co-author of Executive EQ
“I have a shelf full of books on EQ. I could easily replace them with this single slim volume.”
Sivasailam ‘Thiagi’ Thiagarajan, Ph.D.
CEO, The Thiagi Group
The book is for sale at SGD28.
Email for orders or for more information.
Produced by Josh Freedman, Dr Granville Ed D’Souza and Yoosuf Moiz, the EQ Coach Cards are based on the 6 Seconds Model. It can be used to teach anyone about EQ via the Model, evoke powerful feelings during conversations around themes ranging from relationships to business & personal issues. It offers an opportunity for daily reflection about life, the challenges and trials or just gaining perspective. Each of the 8 competencies offers 8 powerful questions with a reflection piece on the opposite side of each card which consists of more detailed questions so that coaches, teachers and users can gain an even deeper insight about the core question. The coach cards will add a unique dimension as it helps the user to dig a lot deeper into his/her psyche and experience.
This set comes complete with a booklet on at least 6 ways to use it, thematic designs with a metaphorical depiction of the competencies, as well as commentary cards which explain each competency. You could coach yourself or others with little effort. The effort and inspiration to delve deep into the questions being asked will certainly evoke the 6 Seconds Principle ‘wisdom lives within’.
The cards are for sale at SGD42.
Email for orders or for more information.
Or get them from the US EQ store.
Dedicated to exploring and understanding the depths of efficacy and performance, the thrust of this magazine focuses on issues, behaviors, practices, beliefs systems and the appropriate mindset that will allow anyone to eclipse their past and move into a new trajectory and become the person they had dreamed about but never knew how. When you are at the top of your game, you are able to import the same abilities in both a personal capacity as well as at work. It is written to provide the How’s and we hope that it gives you vital tools even if it is just one that will springboard you to levels you were never at before. Learn how to sail through your deepest challenges and grab back the controls of your life to make you even more magnetically attractive to people around you. There are also features on other workshops and tools that will accelerate your thinking and behaviors to new heights of performance.
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